World News Bureau

N. Korea Unveils New Super Weapon

IN EARTH ORBIT (BHN) - Shocking photos released this morning by the North Korean military show leader Kim Jong-Un commanding his forces from a death star reportedly in orbit somewhere above South Korea.

In a hastily-called news conference, South Korean General Hung Li Mas exclaimed, "Hory Crap, we didn't even know Kim had death star! He saying to his enemies, 'Rook at my big space penis, it gonna rain death and destruction from above."

The startling images send the strongest indication yet that the aggressive, yet plush Kim is continuing to send out startling images. South Korean and United States forces in the region reacted to this latest threat by staging wiener dog races and an ice cream social in Seoul.

 

Kim Jong-Un and his top generals on bridge of death star

 

North Korea Readies For Nuclear Exchange

DPRK (World News Bureau) - Photos released this morning by the North Korean military show leader Kim Jong-Un in his hidden secret lair/missile base located inside a fake mountain preparing to launch his country's most powerful nuclear missile - the Type 10 Shitstome Dethdhong Mark V.

South Korean Defence Minister Mi-Kei Mao called the startling images the strongest indication yet that the fiery, yet plush Kim may be ready to attack. "It's like Kim saying to his enemies, "Hey look, my giant Dethdhong ready to spew fiery death all over you."

United States forces in the region reacted to the increased threat by staging a talent show and hot dog eating contest outside of Seoul.

 

Kim Jong-un readies nuclear missile in hidden base

 

Attack Imminent? Kim Jong-un Goes Underground.

PYONGYANG, DPRK (BHN) - Startling images released this morning by the North Korean military show leader Kim Jong-un has moved to a secure underground bunker reportedly in preparation for missile launches targeting South Korea as well as US bases in Japan.

"Commander of all forces Kim Jong-un has entered the secure nuclear bomb-proof Underground Make War Command Room in order to coordinate a devastating precision missile attack on all aggressors," said an accompanying press release by state-run media.

A Pentagon spokesperson called the images "sobering."

 

Kim Jong-Un and his top generals prepare a deadly missile attack from their underground bunker

 

North Korea Unleashes Nuclear Subs

DPRK (World News Bureau) - North Korea has ratcheted up their threats against South Korea and US forces by releasing a photo Tuesday showing leader Kim Jong-Un commanding what is reported to be their new Death Dongh Type 2 ballistic missile submarine close to South Korean waters.

"Yesterday he was in Make War Command Room, today he is heading this way in a deadly submarine," said South Korean Admiral Ima Si Monki , "Kim is increasing his aggression by saying to his enemies "look at my big floating penis - it gonna blow and rain death."

Pentagon sources called this latest provocation by the pariah nation "troubling."

 

Kim Jong-un threatens South Korea / US forces in ballistic missile submarine (DPRK)

 

Kim Jong-un Threatens "Death Blow"

PYONGYANG, DPRK (World News Bureau) - In response to social media trolling by President Trump, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is threatening an imminent attack on South Korea and US bases in Japan.

"Our forces are now preparing a death blow of destruction on aggressor forces that dare challenge us," said Kim in a written statement released Monday. "Our fearless soldiers will blow our enemies again and again until they cannot stand."  

South Korean General Mi Soh Hoeni responded by saying, "As long as they're female soldiers, we'll consider it."

The threat was accompanied by images of Kim Jong-un huddling with his generals in the "Make War Command Room" (below).

 

Kim Jong-un in war room with top generals

 

 

Trump Again Trolls Kim Jong-un

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Men Applaud Day Without Women

NEW YORK (World News Bureau) - Wednesday's "Day Without Women" is being applauded by men across the country as being a tremendous success. 

A sampling of comments:

"I wish we could do this every day. Literally, every angry heffalump in the place was gone today - it was wonderful," said IT professional Drew Littleton. 

"This was like a vacation," said Mike Snyder, a supervisor with UPS, "the only women at work today were the good looking ones. There wasn't a fat lesbian to be seen."

"It's like every ugly, angry fat chick was abducted by aliens. This is the way college was supposed to be," said ASU student Shaun Jackson.

The  International Women's Day rallies across the country were populated by feminists, abortion supporters, anti-Trump protesters, pro-LGBTQ types, and the usual conglomeration of communists, Satanists, Islamists, and PMSing Hillary Clinton supporters.

 

Day Without Women: Women march for everything 

 

Rep. Pelosi At Least Partially Dead

WASHINGTON (World News Bureau) - Sources say that at least part of Rep. Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-CA) has unexpectedly died of unknown causes.

"As close as we can tell, she suffered brain death a few months ago," said one confidential source close to Pelosi. "We're also pretty sure she has digestive organ failure due to her near-constant farting. Something's definitely dead in there." 

The shocking report may shed light on the former Majority Speaker's increasingly bizarre comments and actions since President Trump took office.

 

 

Trump Trolls Kim Jong-un

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Damning Photos Surface - Trump Payback?

WASHINGTON (World News Bureau) - Compromising images of two men resembling Sen. Chuck Schumer (RTRD-NY) and alt-leftist powerbroker George Soros were posted Friday on social media sites, leading many to speculate that the Trump administration has decided to fight fire with fire.

Despite reports that the images were posted from a government server, the White House is denying any involvement: "While the President certainly wasn't surprised at all by the images, he obviously had nothing to do with their publication," Press Secretary Sean Spicer told reporters at the morning press conference.

There has been no official determination yet if the images are real.