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BIG HAIRY NEWS EXCLUSIVE - I am undercover this week with the Occupy Wall Street protesters, reporting from Zuccotti Park in Manhattan.
Day 2 - Monday October 24, 2011.
11:45 AM - Woke up and said bye to my new friend Andrea. In lieu of shower, used up entire bottle of waterless antibacterial hand cleaner. Stinging in some areas is almost unbearable.
11:46 AM - Received a ticket for urinating on a Japanese tourist. Called and ordered a porta-potty.
12:14 PM - Got to my tent just in time to meet the furniture delivery guys. The furniture really makes my tent a home but the sectional couch is too big, so I sold the middle piece to the communists next door for some bud and a tambourine.
1:15 PM - After lunch at Applebees, went back to camp and drank beer and smoked bud with a couple of college students from Vermont, then joined them in taunting people walking by that looked rich.
1:18 PM - Received a minor concussion. A nice girl wearing nothing but blue body paint and Crocs helped me back to my pad and gave me some pain killers and physical therapy. Made a mental note to order a hot tub, some baby oil, and Lysol disinfectant.
4:34 PM - After recovery period said goodbye to my new friend. Made note to get new sheets as it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bed. Porta-potty arrived, but I had to put it inside, as my new friends all kept trying to use it.
7:30 - After crab leg feast at Red Lobster, fellow protester Roxanne and myself went back to camp and hung out with some union guys. We did lines of coke and drank tequila shooters while discussing how much we hate rich people and Republicans. The union guys were all named Tony and wore designer jeans, Tommy Bahama shirts, and about 35 lbs. of gold rope chain each. When the tequila was gone, they took Roxanne and went home.
11.20 PM - After doing some mushrooms and cough syrup with the anarchists who live behind me, I retired to my tent with new friend Misty or Mandy. Made note to purchase more antibacterial hand cleaner and Febreze. End of day 2.
Inside my tent at Zuccotti Park
