Undercover At Occupy Wall Street - Day 3

BIG HAIRY NEWS EXCLUSIVE - I am undercover this week with the Occupy Wall Street protesters, reporting from Zuccotti Park in Manhattan.

Day 3 - Tuesday October 25, 2011.

11:30 PM - Woke up and said bye to Mandy/Misty. She didn't want to leave, but I need my space. Somebody apparently stole my generator so I couldn't make coffee or toast my Pop Tarts. That's nice. I decide to go to IHOP for some Rooty Tooti Fresh 'N Fruity.

12:45 - The music store delivered my drums, so I sat in with the drum circle for a few sets until they asked me to leave. Where's the love? Smoked some bud then took a nap with new friend Lashonda (sp?).

2:47 PM - Joined my friends in making new protest signs while smoking some tasty bud my new friend Gina (Gia?) provided. Afterward, we all decided to take our signs and march to the big Wall Street bull statue where we intended to douse it with lighter fluid and set it on fire while chanting. Once there, Gia (Jeanie?) and I jumped the barricade and hopped up on the bull for the news cameras.

5:00 PM - Finally released from the hospital. Outside of losing my eyebrows, my burns luckily weren't bad - thank God I ducked behind Gia when that stoned retard cut loose with the flaming lighter fluid. Back at the camp my friends and I prayed for Jenny's recovery while dividing up her stuff and smoking the rest of her delicious herb.

6:02 - Gina's sister Moondust (not her real name I don't think) and I do some angel dust, airplane glue, and Bailey's Irish Cream as we reflect upon Gia's rich life.

8:38 PM - Woke up in the bra department at Macy's wearing a sun dress and pantyhose. Caught a ride back to Zuccotti Park with a fat Indian guy who kept trying to touch me.

9:00 PM - Discover someone has stolen my brand new Weber gas grill right off the patio - bastards! Found Moondust in the park dumpster and after wiping her off, we go back to my place for drinks and to watch Dancing With the Stars I'd TiVoed earlier.

9:08 PM - Find out that some filthy bastard has stolen my new 65" Samsung flatscreen, so we just do some bong hits then decide to turn in early, as this protesting is extremely tiring business. Made note to buy home security system and some of those moist towelettes. End of day three.

Sitting in with the drum circle