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BIG HAIRY NEWS - Reports from inside the Obama campaign indicate a sense of foreboding bordering on panic, as record numbers of conservative and independent voters pack polling places nationwide.
"I don't want to say they're completely freaking out," said one Obama campaign worker, "but Barack is chain smoking and I just saw Michelle with a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a small ham."
Experts are saying this will be a very close election, with results likely not being known until Wednesday morning at the earliest.
George Soros ponders meaning of life, Obama circles drain
