World News Bureau

Climate Guru Bloomberg Deciphers Storm

NEW YORK (BHN) - World renowned climatologist/billionaire politician Michael Bloomberg formerly announced the results of his extensive scientific research into the origins of this week's deadly storm - it was caused by global warming.

Bloomberg boldly trumpeted his findings on the cover of this weeks's edition of his self-titled magazine. 

While the specific calculations on how Bloomberg came to his startling conclusion are unknown, his exceptional knowledge of weather is well documented. "Michael loved weather," recalls his 4th grade teacher, Ethel Schwartzberg. "When it rained he would stand outside for hours, just looking up at the clouds."

CDC: 40% Of Babies Born To Single Obama Voters

WASHINGTON (BHN) - According to a new Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report, 40.7% of all babies born last year were born by unmarried women. 

Of that number, over 96% were Obama voters, leading to the strong likelihood that their children will be future Democratic voters themselves.

DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz called the statistics "very positive," and encouraged single women to "get your drink on, get your funk on for the sake of the country."

The CDC report listed the most popular baby name last year for boys was "Borock," while the most popular girl's name was "Laqeesha."