World News Bureau

Thanksgiving - The Day After

Happy Thanksgiving

From my dysfunctional family to yours - Happy Thanksgiving!

A traditional Van Neuter Thanksgiving

Turkeys In The White House

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Following tradition, President Obama pardoned two turkeys at the White House today. 

Benjamin Netanyahu called the move "not surprising, as recent events have shown him to be a chicken man."

Surprise! Iran Developing Long Range Missiles

TEHRAN (WNB) - Just days after the Obama administration caved to Iranian nuclear demands, Iran has announced the development of  "indigenous" ballistic missile technology, which would allow it to fire a nuclear payload over great distances.

Brigadier General Heresmi Salami, the lieutenant commander of Iran’s elite Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC), claimed that "Iran is among the only three world countries enjoying this type of ballistic missile technology," according to the state-run news agency.

White House spokesman Jay Carney downplayed the news, saying President Obama was "still pretty sure" Iran would never combine long range missiles with nukes for use against the U.S. or Israel.

Pro-Abortion License Plates

MADISON, Wisconsin (WNB) - Democrats in Wisconsin are seeking to counter license plates bearing the words "choose life" with plates promoting abortion provider Planned Parenthood.

The proposed design (below) features an image of a bloody dead infant with scissors protruding from its neck with the moto "Support Planned Parenthood."

"We want to be sensitive, so opted not to go with the obvious phrase "choose death," said Democrat Rep. Chris Taylor. "Hopefully this subtle image will still prompt individuals to consider killing their unborn children."

GOP Behind Obamacare Condom Giveaway

CONWAY, Arkansas (WNB) - A new investigation indicates that condoms being handed out at Obamacare events are actually being supplied by a GOP cover organization.

"Well, I just hope the GOP isn't working to prevent the birth of future liberals by handing out all these condoms, because that would not be right," House Minority Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Wednesday.

So far, over 200,000 condoms have been handed out at Obamacare promotional events by an organization called "The National Institute For The Eradication Of Ignorance."

Netanyahu To Obama: "You're A Deluded Coward"

TEL AVIV (WNB) - Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu expressed his anger and frustration with President Obama in a heated personal phone call Sunday.

"Your threats to Iran were as empty as your support for Israel," reportedly said Netanyahu. "Sadly, in the end you proved yourself to be either a coward, hopelessly deluded, simply stupid, or most likely a combination of all three."

White House sources say the call ended when an "extremely emotional" Obama hung up on Netanyahu. This isn't the first time the forceful Israeli leader has intimidated the U.S. president.

Netanyahu makes President Obama cry (file photo)

Hell Recruiting In Sacramento

SACRAMENTO (WNB) - A California chapter of a national atheist organization is posting dozens of billboards in an effort to lure as many other people to an eternity in Hell apart from God as possible.

The group will post billboards in Sacramento on Monday, carrying messages like, "I'd rather worship my all-powerful self,""Studying the Bible while smoking crack made me an atheist," and "Sex. Alcohol. Farm animals — God's not watching."

Iran: Obama Was Tough Negotiator

TEHRAN (WNB) - Iran's leaders are celebrating their victory over "the great Satan" today after President Obama decided it was better to sacrifice Israel and some Middle East allies, than go to the trouble of protecting them and the US by opposing Iran.

A laughing Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s supreme leader, said in a televised address Monday, "The high-stakes battle against a former pothead and community organizer was as challenging as it sounds - we got everything we wanted and more, praise Allah!

Under terms of the agreement, the US drops all sanctions, releases held Iranian funds, and agrees to "treat Israel like shit" in return for Iran not "knowingly" aiming any nuclear-armed missiles it builds at United States forces or parts of Israel.  

Scrambling Israel military experts have been seen visiting moderate Arab countries scouting airfields.

Obama, Khamenei

 

Outrage Over Bounty Placed On Young Killers

SPOKANE, Washington (WNB) - There is widespread anger over reports a white supremest prison group has placed a bounty on the heads of two 16-year-old youths charged with murdering an elderly war veteran.

The Aryan Brotherhood is reportedly offering a $10,000 bounty for the deaths of young Kenan Adams-Kinard and Demetrius Glenn, and many people across the country are expressing outrage.

"What kind of country are we living in?" asked one Spokane minister. "I'd give that much myself to send the little bastards back to Hell. People are so stingy these days."

Efforts are underway to raise the bounty to at least $1,000,000.

Unexplained Phenomena Reported At Monticello

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virgina (WNB) - Paranormal investigators were called Thursday afternoon to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, after reports of mysterious noises on the property.

"It was like this loud "whirring" noise. I started hearing it outside after lunch," said one groundskeeper. "It sounds like it's coming from the gravesite."

Paranormal investigators confirmed the sound is emanating from Thomas Jefferson's grave, and described it as sounding like a "high pitched whirring or spinning sound." Sources say an EVP (electronic voice phenomena) recording last night also picked up a male voice yelling "bastard read."

More on this story as it develops.

Obamacare

 

Feds Bust North Korean Meth Ring

NEW YORK (WNB) - Federal authorities arrested five men in New York this week for attempting to bring over 200 pounds of methamphetamine from North Korea. Samples of the blue-tinted meth tested an amazing 99% pure.

Acting on a hunch, a DEA investigation revealed Amazon had sold and delivered a DVD boxed set of the television series "Breaking Bad" to the presidential palace at Pyongyang recently.

A recent photo of leader Kim Jong Un (below) appears to confirm fears that the drug was state-sanctioned.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un 

Political Special Olympics

Qatar: Vagina Stadium Not Sexual

QATAR (WNB) - Government sources in the Arab state of Qatar deny their new World Cup stadium resembles anything sexual, saying the design was already modified before construction to make sure it didn't.

"The original design looked too much like a young boy's buttocks, and Muslim men were struggling with impure thoughts," said an official. "We changed the stadium to look more like an uncircumcised vagina to fix the problem - it will look better when we get the hair on."

Qatar World Cup stadium, completed (r)

Israel: We Need New Friends

TEL AVIV (WNB) - In light of President Obama's capitulation and appeasement to Iran, Israel Foreign Minister Avigdor Liberman said Wednesday his country needs to find a new principal ally.

"We have plenty of cowardly Jew-hating Muslims around here, why do we need Obama?" said Liberman in an interview with the Jerusalem Post. "At least these guys are up front about it."

Relations between the two countries have deteriorated greatly under President Obama, as he continues to demonstrate his profound dislike for Israel and her leadership.

STORY HERE (Breitbart)

First Lady Involved In TV Show Accident

NEW YORK (WNB) - First Lady Michelle Obama was involved in an accident that sent two BET television hosts to the hospital.

Obama was appearing on "106 & Park" with hosts Bow Wow and Keshia Chanté Tuesday when Bow Wow produced a Garrett popcorn canister containing pieces of paper with questions for the First Lady. Unfortunately, Mrs. Obama assumed the canister was full of carmel corn, and in her ensuing attempt to secure the can, "violently trampled" both young hosts to the floor.

Chante and Bow Wow were reportedly taken to an area medical center suffering from non-life threatening injuries. Show insiders claim Obama "left in a huff" after discovering the canister did not contain one of her favorite snacks.

I Told You So - Obama Stole The Election

By Wayne Allyn Root - I don’t mean to say, “I told you so”…But I told you so.

In October of 2012, just before the election, we heard miraculous unemployment reports that made it sound like the economy was turning around. Hundreds of thousands of jobs were supposedly created. Happy days were here again. “Bravo Obama,” said the adoring mainstream media. It was the biggest one month jobs increase ever.

MORE HERE (The Blaze)

Vintage Dolby

 

MSNBC "Cool" To Baldwin's Return

NEW YORK (WND) - A source at MSNBC say the network isn't that crazy about homo-hating rage-puppet Alec Baldwin's return.

"Sure, he can come back. The only thing we ask is that he be somebody else, because Alec Baldwin is an insufferable douche and he's absolutely not welcome."

Baldwin reportedly spent minimal time at the office preparing, and was described as being "red-faced, angry, and yelling at staffers" while he was there.

Another insider said, "We're fine with Alec coming back, as long as he's not alive."