WASHINGTON (WNB) - Rep. Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-Ca) is being forced to deny rumors she's retiring from Congress at the end of the year.
Sources close to Pelosi claim that unbeknownst to everyone around her, the House Minority Leader has been carrying on as a zombie, after unexpectantly dying late last year from a fatal brain fire. The DNC reportedly reanimated her so she could finish her term.
"Look, she smells like diseased feet, couldn't put together a legible thought if her life depended on it, lurches around spasmodically, and has those bizarre, constantly blinking dead eyes. She may act perfectly normal, but trust me, Nancy's been dead for months," said the source.