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WASHINGTON (WNB) - The White House responded today to widespread ridicule over President Obama's Syria-like warning to the Ukraine government:
The United States is determined and prepared to inflict serious consequences against the government of Ukraine, should they take any of the following specific actions against peaceful protesters:
- Assaulting protesters with electric eels.
- Using high-yield nuclear weapons against protesters at night.
- Beating protesters with wheels of cheese.
- Dropping fire ants on protesters from blimps.
- Running over protesters with locomotives.
Should the Ukrainian government be found guilty of doing any of the above, consequences could consist of any or all of the following:
- Protracted visit from John Kerry.
- Forceful comments from President Obama directed at Ukraine President Viktor Yanukovychby.
- Harsh threats of consequences from the U.S. Pentagon.
- Sending additional U.S. reporters to Kiev, including some from PBS.
- Reducing business hours at some Kiev Cinnabon locations.
The United States hopes for a peaceful outcome to the political challenges facing Ukraine, and pledges to do everything possible to achieve that goal.
Although there has been no official response to the White House statement, sources in Moscow report a military shipment of "large wheels of cheese" apparently headed for Kiev.
