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WASHINGTON (WNB) - The Obamacare HealththCare.gov website continues to suffer outages today as low-information voters and non-computer literate individuals desperately attempt to sign up before the deadline.
Most individuals are being met with the following screen when trying to enroll:
(click to enlarge)
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LOS ANGELES (WNB) - News that Los Angeles County has become the most populous county in America may be related to the increasing number of earthquakes in that region.
The LA Times reported Wednesday that new census figures show that as of July, the county has a whopping 10,017,068 residents, due almost entirely to the unfettered immigration of illegal immigrants.
While California welcomes and nurtures these immigrants, the state's generosity may be its undoing. "Simply put, most of these people are fat. The state gives them everything so they don't work, just sit around getting high and eating. The ever-increasing weight is putting too much pressure on the tectonic plates - something's got to give, and it is," said California State University Professor of Geology Bishop Kim.
LA County officials are reportedly considering putting illegal immigrants on a diet of sushi in an effort to relieve pressure on the numerous fault lines in the region, and are taking steps to import the estimated 12,000 sushi chefs needed.
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WASHINGTON (WNB) - A new poll shows 26 percent of Americans support Obamacare, surprisingly the same percentage of Americans that are mentally ill and/or addicted to drugs/alcohol.
"This number is shocking," said one political analyst, "that there are this many messed up people in this country."
The Obama administration announced Thursday that over six million people have "almost definitely" considered signing up, calling it "a major milestone."
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VATICAN CITY (WNB) - Pope Francis and President Obama gave dramatically different accounts of their meeting Thursday.
Obama told reporters that the two men spent the nearly hour-long session "discussing the evils of wealth inequality, greenhouse gasses, the Koch brothers, and the aggression of Vladimir Putin."
"Pope Francis and myself discussed the pressing matters of the day, and I am honored by the fact that he wholeheartedly agreed with my positions. It was a positive meeting filled with validation that in God's eyes we are on the right track," said Obama.
The Vatican statement released shortly after the meeting differed significantly from the President's:
Pope Francis and President Obama discussed at length issues of particular relevance for the church in the United States, such as the Obama administration's suppression of religious freedom, the glorification of homosexuality and the promotion of homosexual marriage, and the continued wholesale slaughter of unborn children. The Holy See informed Mr. Obama that he was doing the work of Satan, and urged him to repent for the sake of his country, and himself.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney called the wildly differing accounts "a matter of perception."
Pope Francis visits with President Obama
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ANN ARBOR, Michigan (WNB) - Abortion - The Life-Sustaining Act of the Ages is the name of an exhibit currently on display at the University of Michigan.
The collection of "artworks" is dedicated to glamorizing abortion, and consists of dozens of brightly colored posters with bold words and phrases meant to highlight and celebrate all the ways in which women over the millenia have killed their unborn babies.
The images were created by Heather Ault, described as "a Godless pro-choice activist and independent scholar creating artwork to glorify the slaughter of unborn little boys and girls shift conversations about reproductive rights and justice."
Feminist art exhibit reviewers have called the pieces "bold, beautiful statements to celebrate the dismemberment of unborn children choice," with "fresh, vital strategies and tactics for those committed to the continued slaughter of the innocent social change."
The artist is also the demented creative mind behind "reproductive roots note cards," featuring expressions such as "Abortion is a gift from God" and "Killing Babies Makes God Smile."
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VATICAN CITY (WNB) - Pope Francis may have inadvertantly cast out one or more unclean spirits from President Obama during their brief meeting Thursday.
Witnesses say the President was "stammering like a retard" and apparently unable to form a sentence as he approached the Pope, then visually slumped when the two shook hands. Obama was steadied by the Pontiff and proceeded to speak clearly, apparently unfazed.
A Vatican source stopped short of labeling the exorcism a success, calling it "a start."
Pope Francis exorcises President Obama
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HOLLYWOOD (WNB) - Sources in Tinseltown say there are already projects about missing Malaysian Flight 370 in development. The disturbing report comes as searchers have yet to find remains of the missing airliner or its 239 passengers.
"These bastards don't give a crap about people," said one Hollywood insider, "they just want to make some money off this thing while it's still hot - they have no shame whatsoever."
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HOLLYWOOD (WNB) - News maven and entrepreneur, Scooter Van Neuter, announced Wednesday his upcoming movie epic based on the Malaysian Airlines disaster. The film, Flight 370 - Ghost Flight To Shark City, is due out in April and promises to be the definitive drama based on this tragic and mysterious incident.
"I believe this movie will fill in some of the blanks about what may have happened," Van Neuter told reporters at the news conference held at the swanky Beverly Hills Hotel. "While I don't want to give away any of the plot devices, I will tell you we delve deeply into the supernatural aspects, as well as the drama that takes place at sea. Think 'The Shining' meets 'Jaws.'"
While Van Neuter declined to name the stars of Ghost Flight To Shark City, sources connected to the project say that Star Trek's George Tekai will play the pilot, Lucy Liu his love interest, and Jet Li as the co-pilot and martial arts/shark expert.
This will be Scooter Van Neuter's third major film. His first two, "Bark Beetles From Hell," and "Nasty Nunchuck Nurses" remain popular abroad, especially in Vietnam.
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CHOWMEIN, China (WNB) - While First Lady Michelle continues to enjoy her Chinese vacation official visit, it appears most Chinese can't wait for her to go home.
"She all over the place 'move move move' - I gonna be sick if I hear that one more," said a housewife.
Reports say many Chinese are disgusted at Mrs. Obama's insanely expensive outfits and opulent spending, knowing the U.S. is broke and deeply in debt to their country. "Wha, she can not buy at JC Penny or stay at Red Roof Inn like normal person?" said one disgruntled Beijing businessman.
Even the normally polite Chinese press has been increasingly critical of the First Lady, reporting this morning that a well known entertainer suffered a broken foot when Mrs. Obama accidentally stepped on him during one of her many "let's move and drink water" appearances. "She like a wild moving water buffalo causing danger, I lucky I not killed," said Habisake Omi, star of China's Got Tarent.
Chinese entertainer Habisake Omi dances with Mr. Obama before accident
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WORLD NEWS BUREAU - News that British hospitals incinerated miscarried and aborted babies, including for the"green" purpose of providing heat for medical centers, has generated outrage among many Americans, including politicians.
"When I heard of this story, I was sickened," reportedly said Rep. Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-Ca), 2014 Margaret Sanger Award winner. "Those babies could have been used to heat poor individuals' homes, rather than wealthy hospitals. What a waste."
Al Gore reportedly commented, "It's simply criminal that these babies were burned. Ask a polar bear how much greenhouse gases a burning baby gives off - a bunch."
"I want to go on the record as saying I am against the burning of aborted babies," Texas gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis reportedly said, "They deserve the dignity of being humanely buried in landfills."
"Why would anyone incinerate an aborted baby?" asked Sen. Harry Reid (RTRD-Nev). "They're already dead - putting them in jail doesn't do a damned thing."
Sen. Harry Reid
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WASHINGTON (WNB) - Rep. Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-Ca) will receive an award named after the racist eugenicist and facilitator of the mass murder of over 50 million unborn boys and girls, Margaret Sanger.
Sanger was infamous for her hatred of blacks and believed the organization she created, Planned Parenthood, could ultimately exterminate the Negro population in the United States. Her dream continues today, as far more black babies are killed through abortion than are born, with black women five times more likely to get an abortion than whites.
Rep. Pelosi has long been at the forefront of promoting and protecting the unfettered slaughter of unborn children, including late term - reportedly once referring to abortion as "sacred ground, especially for darkies."
Margaret Sanger Award
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WORLD NEWS BUREAU - Investigators are cautiously optimistic that a large piece of debris (below) spotted by satellite off Australia's west coast may be from Malaysia Flight 370.
"It has the size, it's appears to be white, and judging by the way it's sitting in the water, definitely has the weight," said Australian Civil Air Patrol head Connor Haybrand. "We will be on-site in approximately an hour and we will know for sure."
Possible wreckage from Malaysia Flight 370
UPDATE: Investigators have confirmed that the large object spotted floating off the coast of Australia is not related to Malaysia Flight 370.
"It appears to be Rosie O'Donnell on holiday as far as we can tell," one searcher was reported to have said from the helicoptor. Australian authorities called off the search after determining O'Donnell had not been a passenger on the missing plane.
Not Flight 370 wreckage
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LO MEIN, China (WNB) - First lady Michelle Obama continued to enjoy her Chinese vacation official visit yesterday with trips to a factory that manufactures patio furniture for Wal-Mart and a school where she led young children in vigorous exercises and drinking water until several vomited.
"Her visit and her agenda sends a message that the relationship between the United States and China isn't just about cheap lawn furniture and defective coffee makers, it's a relationship between people who want to eat healthy and drink more water," said Deputy National Security Adviser Ben Rhodes.
The U.S. first lady has several activities and events scheduled Friday with Chinese first lady Mi Ping Pongh.
Michelle Obama with Chinese counterpart, Mi Ping Pongh, pointing at United States.
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MOSCOW (WNB) - Russian President Vladimir Putin said Friday he felt no need to further retaliate against U.S. sanctions. His comments came as Russia's upper house of parliament endorsed the annexation of Crimea from Ukraine.
"Stimulus, Obamacare, Benghazi, Fast and Furious, Syria, Iran, now Ukraine - Mr. Obama has suffered enough at his own hands," said the laughing Putin.
Putin's comments come in the wake of a second round of sanctions by Obama Thursday restricting travel of Russian Wolfhounds in U.S. casinos and a call for warning labels on all bottles of U.S. made Russian salad dressing.
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BEIJING, China (WNB) - Authorities in this city are reporting an "overwhelming" number of sightings of a Yeren - a legendary creature believed to be an undiscovered hominid, by frightened residents and even officials. One hotel employee was able to take a quick photo (below) before fleeing.
Described as typically having dark hair, large hips and giant thighs, the Yeren is a towering six to eight feet tall - making it very similar to the Western Sasquatch, or "Bigfoot." The two share a diet of vegetation, nuts, and berries, and many scientists believe they may be related.
Chinese authorities are said to be conducting large-scale sweeps throughout the downtown area in search of the creature.
Possible Chinese Yeren photographed in Beijing
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ATLANTIC CITY (WNB) - A new reported sighting of what could be Malaysia Flight 370 may indicate the aircraft traveled further than originally thought.
A photo taken Wednesday afternoon appears to show a white aircraft identified as a Boeing 777, the same type as missing Flight 370, well hidden in an unusual location. Sources say authorities are heading to an area in New Jersey to investigate.
More on this story as it develops.
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WASHINGTON (WNB) - President Obama announced the rollout of a new government website Wednesday designed to promote the concept of climate change.
The site (below) features a popular cartoon character as it's mascot and offers a large collection of (strictly) pro-climate change material from various agencies and imaginations. Also included are tips on living "green," such as converting one's toaster to solar power and how to make your toilet double as a compost heap.
The website is the first step of Obama fulfilling a promise he made last June to use his executive authority to fight global warming. The next step will be to ask congress for $1 billion to presumably design and build a gigantic refrigerator to cool the climate.
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WASHINGTON (WNB) - A Washington DC abortion fund is offering a severed baby foot pendant to all who donate $10 or more a month. The funds are used to keep the black population in check give money to mostly Afro American women of D.C., Maryland, and Virginia who cannot afford to pay for birth control abortions on their own.
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