World News Bureau

Pelosi: Unless Killed, Children Are "Worthy of Respect"

LAREDO, Texas (WNB) - Noted abortion proponent Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-CA) on Saturday visited facilities holding some of the tens of thousands of illegal immigrants flooding into the country unimpeded.

"If you believe as we do that every child we don't abort has a spark of divinity in them, and is therefore worthy of respect. What we saw in those [holding] rooms was a dazzling, sparkling array of God's children, worthy of respect."

Pelosi later conceded to reporters that the children would have been "better off not being born" so they could have been spared the hardship of sneaking into the country.

 

 

Pentagon Recruiting the Transgendered

WASHINGTON (WNB) - In addition to actively seeking gay and lesbians for the armed services, the Pentagon is featuring a transgendered former SEAL Team member to recruit the transgendered.

Fi Fi LaDick, formerly Senior Chief Petty Officer Bubba Blatz, was a decorated member of SEAL Team 6. After undergoing gender reassignment surgery, LaDick wrote a best-selling book, "SEAL Without A Dick," chronicling his/her journey (below) to becoming a woman. 

Sec. of Defense Chuck Hagel is publicly appealing to transgendered individuals to join the military, especially transgendered males. "We would prefer men who have become women - they're obviously bigger, stronger, and an artificial vagina makes a great holster."

 

 

Book Details Clinton - Obama Hatefest

NEW YORK (WNB) - A new book details the intense personal dislike between the two power couples of the Democratic Party: Bill and Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle.

OREO WAR: Clintons vs. Obamas recounts some of the numerous snubs, spats, and insults over the last seven years.

A few of the highlights:

• At the 2011 White House New Year's party, Bill Clinton rebuked the advances of a tipsy Michelle Obama with the statement, "Sorry sweetie, I'm not into bestiality." Obama reportedly never got over it.
• Barack and Michelle commonly referred to the Clintons as the "Clampetts," and Hillary as "the great white dope" during her run against Obama.
• Bill Clinton secretly pleasured himself with a rare African tribal chieftain shawl - a gift from Oprah, during a White House reception for black celebrities.
• Michelle Obama "accidentally" body checked Hillary into a bathroom stall door. Twice.
• The Clintons often refer to the Obamas as "the Jeffersons on crack" and Michelle as "Bo Bo the Ape Girl" or simply "Bo Bo."
• Michelle Obama never leaves the First Dogs alone with Bill during his White House visits - just in case.
• Hillary delights in hiding large candy bars during her frequent White House visits. Michelle suspects Hillary is the culprit and hates her for it, but is regularly seen eagerly searching rooms after Clinton leaves.

 Oreo War is currently #3 on Amazon.

 

 

Goodyear Replaces Blimp

AKRON, Ohio (WNB) - The Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co. is replacing its iconic blimp with a new model, designed and manufactured by Hindenburg builder ZLT Zeppelin Luftschifftechnik GmbH of Friedrichshafen, Germany.

"Everything we've learned about making zeppelins went into this beautiful ship," said Zeppelin engineer Heigh Lukatt-Meinheinie. "We like to think of it as a modern Hindenburg, only without the catastrophic explosions and massive loss of life."

The new airship is expected to go into operation this summer and will reportedly be based at Lakehurst, New Jersey. 

 

Artist rendering of new Goodyear Blimp

 

Illinois Overrun With Snakes

NAPERVILLE, Illinois (WNB) - Terrified Illinois residents say they are being overrun by snakes. Experts credit the conditions in Illinois - particularly Chicago and surrounding areas as being ideal for the proliferation of the creepy scavengers.

"Holy crap, they're everywhere," said Naperville resident Nancy Quigley. "I saw Dick Durbin at the mall yesterday, Rahm Emanuel at a restaurant last night, and Pat Quinn is absolutely everywhere - my skin is crawling."

 

 

Obama Unleashes Iraq Counteroffensive

ERBIL, Iraq (WNB) - After days of pondering a response to the brutal ISIS Islamic jihad sweeping across Iraq, President Obama unleashed a blistering counteroffensive on Monday, sending Sec. of State John Kerry to Iraq.

As word of Kerry's arrival in Baghdad spread, ISIS units retreating from their positions on the outskirts of the city. The counteroffensive then moved to Erbil on Tuesday, with Kerry arriving for a day of bellicose, droning speeches that sent panicked insurgents fleeing for Syria, taking only the clothes on their backs. "The Sunni fighters are on the run, praise Allah," said one Iraqi army commander.

While the counteroffensive is proving to be effective, many Iraqis are unhappy with Obama's move, calling the cure worse than the disease. "I would rather have my head cut off twice a day than listen to that John Kerry for even a minute," said one Iraqi man. 

 

 

Tranny Tyranny

By Gina Miller

Audio version: Tranny Tyranny 6-23-14

We have seen in the past several years under the Barack Obama (or whatever his name is) administration a militant homosexual movement on steroids, running at warp speed.  Many of us have been warning you that this movement is not what it seems, what it’s being sold as to the American public.  While its proponents claim it is simply about gaining “marriage equality” and “civil rights” for homosexual, “transgender” and other sexual deviants, that is not the case. 

At its core, this movement is about tyranny.  It’s about subverting the rights of people who hold traditional moral values, which are antithetical to immoral, centralized government control.  It’s about silencing the dissent of those who oppose the destruction of marriage and the mainstreaming of deviancy.  It’s about deconstructing the foundations and truths of our freedom-based, constitutional Republic.  This movement’s goals are in line with the goals of the communists, and I’m certain that many homosexual activists, who are only useful pawns of this movement, do not see this.

READ MORE HERE

 

 

Muslim Extremist Apparel For Sale Online

INDONESIA (WNB) - Muslim clothing retailers are offering Taliban and ISIS jihad hoodies and tee shirts online. 

Retailer Zirah Moslem calls itself a purveyor of "Hot Islamic style garmets" and sells clothing that promote a range of Islamist groups. One design, emblazoned with the slogan "Mujahideen Around the World / No Goat is Safe" (below), features figures wearing keffiyehs and sodomizing a goat in the style of a Hollywood movie poster.

Other designs offered depict Muslim jihadists buggering their nephews, camels, and each other in the back of dilapidated Toyota pickups. "We want to depict Muslim warriors as fierce, yet passionate," said Zirah Moslem president Haid D'Salaami.

 

Zirah Moslem Muslim terrorist design

 

U.S. Desperately Seeking LGBT Foreign Ambassadors

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Sec. of State John Kerry said one of his most pressing goals is to place gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals in foreign ambassador positions.

"The President and I believe that nothing represents today's United States abroad like an effeminate man or woman with a penis," Kerry said Thursday at a Pride event held in the State Department. 

Russian Vladimir Putin issued the following statement Monday in response to Kerry's comments: "Sounds great, we'll pass."

 

 

Elizabeth Warren: Redskins Name Insult To My People

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Sen. Elizabeth Warren (RTRD-Ma) is demanding Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder change the team's name.

Below is a statement released by her office Friday:

"We are a proud people, born of the wolf and nurtured by the wind. My ancestors lived in harmony with the earth and sky, and my moccasins have roamed the prairies in their spirit. But now my tears are like flowing rivers undammed by beavers when I hear the name of this team, and the spirits of my ancestors cry out like the buffalo when cactus snares his sack. I implore you on behalf of my people, change this name. Ugh."

 

Sen. Elizabeth Warren: "Ugh"

 

Michelle Obama: Immigrants To Eat Healthy

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Michelle Obama announced Friday that she has directed the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to immediately start feeding the thousands of warehoused immigrant "DREAMERers" a balanced diet of healthy, nutritious food.

"I read that these children were being fed things like burritos, pizza, and ice cream - that's simply unacceptable," said the First Lady.

The new diet consists of oat bran, flax seeds, legumes, fruit (dates, figs, prunes), and soy meat substitute.

In a possibly related story, Border Patrol and ICE agents are baffled by an unexpected "immigration reversal," as hundreds of immigrants flee military bases and demand transportation to the border. "So now they want to go home - Good God, I wish they'd make up their minds," said one ICE agent.

 

 

IRS: Lerner's Hard Drive On Malaysia Flight 370

WASHINGTON (WNB) - In response to Congressional demands that the "crashed" IRS hard drive containing Lois Lerner's emails be turned over for forensic analysis, IRS officials now claim the hard drive was last seen aboard Malaysia Airlines flight 370.

"The hard drive containing all emails to and from Mrs. Lerner and several other employees malfunctioned and was being sent to a recycling center. Unfortunately it was being transported aboard Malaysia flight 370. If not for this fact, we would be more than happy to surrender the hard drive," said an IRS statement released Thursday morning.

The statement included a photo (below) supposedly verifying the hard drive was aboard the ill-fated flight.

 

 

Obama Administration Cancels Redskins Trademark

WASHINGTON (WNB) - The Obama administration cancelled six federal trademark registrations for the NFL's Washington Redskins Wednesday, saying the nickname is "disparaging to Native Americans." 

The Redskins organization has been under increasing pressure to change their name from Democrats and liberal organizations. Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid (RTRD-Nev) has led the charge, repeatedly calling the team name "racist." 

In possibly related news, the United States Patent and Trademark Office said they received a trademark application Wednesday from the Washington Redskins legal office for the name "Washington Libtards." The application includes a new team logo (below). 

 

 

White House Vandalized, Robbed

WASHINGTON (WNB) - The First Family was briefly evacuated Monday night after several items were reported missing and a room found vandalized at the White House.

The damage and theft were discovered shortly after President Obama hosted the "Champions of Change" ceremony for 10 "DREAMer" illegal immigrants. An administration spokesperson denied any connection between the crimes and event.

Items reported stolen include an ornate desk clock and several of first dog Bo's toys. A visitors' restroom was vandalized with spray paint graffiti spelling out "Si Se Puede." Authorities say the cryptic phrase is Russian and makes reference to the situation in Ukraine.

A search of the White House and grounds turned up nothing unusual, and the First Family was allowed to return.

 

White House restroom graffiti

 

Lois Lerner Reported Missing

WASHINGTON (WNB) - The Obama administration reported Tuesday morning that former IRS head Lois Lerner is missing, as well as several of her key former employees.

A somber White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest read a statement to reporters saying, "Mrs. Lerner and some former employees were enjoying a backyard barbecue Sunday afternoon when a suspected solar flare caused a rogue wormhole that may have transported them to another dimension or time. We are all extremely saddened by the news that Mrs. Lerner and others may have fallen victim to this rare and tragic anomaly. Our prayers are with their families and friends."

House Speaker John Boehner called the report of Lerner's disappearance "suspect," and promised a full investigation.

 

 

 

Hundreds Of Sex Slaves Among Illegal Immigrants

EL PASO, Texas (WNB) - As if the stampede of illegal aliens flooding across America's southern borders wasn't already shocking enough, a new report claims that hundreds, maybe thousands, of these illegals are young women forced into sex slavery.

This latest revelation has caught the attention of even some Democrats. "When I heard this news, it really tugged at my soul," said former president Bill Clinton. "I figured with Hillary on her book tour, the least I could do was dive into this situation and see what I could do."

Sources say Clinton is visiting military bases housing the immigrants in a luxury RV 'mobile command post,' prompting one Republican Senator to quip, "thank God HHS is providing family planning services down there."

 

Former president Clinton investigates sex slave illegal immigrants

 

John Kerry: We Must Take Action To Safeguard Lives

WASHINGTON (WNB) - As radical Islamic forces continue to rapidly overtake Iraq, Secretary of State John Kerry gave an impassioned speech today about the dire threat facing the world.

"Our country and the world must take immediate and decisive action to safeguard the lives and welfare of literally millions of people," said Kerry. "At the rate we're going, climate change could conceivably raise the temperature of the oceans to a point where the additional sweat from overheating fish will make the oceans too salty to sustain life. We must act - now." 

Later, when asked about the situation in Iraq, Kerry replied, "We're closely monitoring the effect on the climate and fish in the area."

 

John Kerry: "We must take immediate action."

 

Hillary's Gay Marriage Record

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Hillary Clinton's contentious exchange over her gay marriage record with leftist ally National Public Radio (NPR) interviewer Terry Gross illustrates how important it is for Democrats (and even some Republicans) to be on the politically 'correct' side these days.

The conversation left many confused about Mrs. Clinton's gay marriage stance over the years - here is a breakdown:

• 1981 - "I knew a homo back in college, he had painted fingernails and breath that smelled like poop. Bill used to beat him up."
• 1991 - "I have nothing against homosexuals as long as they don't try to touch me. As for them getting married - well that's just ridiculous."
• 1996 - (In defense of her husband signing the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) "I think we can all rest a little easier knowing the two weird guys next door won't be allowed to masquerade as normal married people."
• 2001 - "Marriage is a sacred bond between one man and one woman. Same-sex people getting married is like a fish riding a bicycle - it doesn't make sense, and it looks weird."
• 2008 - "Gay marriage would only be acceptable if it's a gay man and a gay woman. Of course they'd never have sex, but take it from me, that's not a bad thing."
• 2013 - "To me, two men or two women coming together in sacred matrimony is a wonderful thing, although I'll be honest, the honeymoon makes me a little queasy."
• 2014 - "I only wish every couple getting married these days were gay - this world would be a better place. Heck, I'd give anything to turn Bill into a woman. Really."

 

Young Hillary Clinton

Chelsea Runs Interference For Hillary

NEW YORK (WNB) - Chelsea Clinton has come to her mother's rescue after Hillary's disastrous exchange recently on NPR over her "morphing" stance on gay marriage.

Young Clinton appeared with her mother Thursday at the 2014 Wildlife Conservation Society Gala dressed in tight leather pants and high heels in an obvious attempt to make the two appear pro-gay.

"Chelsea was all about turning men gay, and I think it's fabulous," said one noted fashion critic. "Goodness, I'm already gay and looking at that package made me even gayer, if that were to be possible."

Political strategists say it was a good move by the savvy former first lady.

 

Chelsea Clinton does her best to turn straight men gay

 

Chelsea Clinton: Father's Actions Taught Me Life Lessons

NEW YORK (WNB) - Chelsea Clinton has recorded a Father's Day message as part of a worldwide campaign focusing on men who have nurtured their daughters.

In the video Clinton credits her father's "words and even more his actions" for teaching her right and wrong.

"Through my dad I've learned many important life lessons, such as 'truth is sometimes overrated,' 'sexual assault is a matter of perspective,' and of course, 'a blow job isn't really sex.' He's a great role model."

 

Chelsea Clinton's Father's Day message video