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World News Bureau - Today's top stories:
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Kim Jong-Un Develops Cure For Aids, Ebola, More
The state-run North Korean news outlet reports that leader Kim Jong-un has produced a revolutionary serum that cures Aids, Ebola, SARS, and MERS.
According to the report, the elixir's main ingredient is ginseng, which is eaten in large quantities by Jong-un, whose body then produces the serum. No mention is made of how the serum is collected or administered.
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Vatican Clarifies "Immense Pile Of Filth" Remark
In response to criticism over his referring to the earth as an "immense pile of filth," the Vatican issued a statement on Friday saying, "While our entire planet is facing environmental challenges, His Holiness was specifically referring to Detroit."
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Democrats Decry Gun Violence
In the wake of the mass shooting at a Charleston, South Carolina church Wednesday night, Democrats are calling for restrictions on guns.
"These guns are killing people all over the place and must be stopped," Rep. Maxine Waters (Retard-CA) said in a statement released this morning. "If we can't get rid of all guns completely, at least legislate they must have some kind of stopper in the barrel."
"Again, we see what happens when guns go bad," Tweeted Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (Retard-TX). "I favor the harshest penalty you can think of for any gun that kills or injures a living creature, especially humans."
