« July 2016 | Main | September 2016 »
WASHINGTON (WNB) - A leaked internal memo from the Democratic National Committee (DNC) outlines best practices for dealing with the Black Lives Matter movement.
The potentially embarrassing document includes such points as not agreeing to do anything about BLM policy proposals, not making fun of BLM activists' lack of intelligence, and recommending against sending blonde campaign members to BLM meetings (below).
(click on image for full size)
| | |
| | |
DETROIT (WNB) - Many of the nearly 10,000 Syrian refugees brought into the United States by the Obama administration are demanding to be sent back to war-torn Syria.
It seems that nobody in the U.S. told the immigrants that they would be resettled in Detroit. "If I have choice between bomb drop on my head or beat up, robbed, and shot living in this monkey dung heap, I take bomb drop any day," said newly arrived refugee, Hafeez Muhammad. Thousands of the refugees have reportedly besieged airports and bus terminals demanding to be sent home or humanely killed.
Administration officials defend using Detroit as a dumping ground relocation center, pointing out that there are plenty of vacant homes, the nation's most extensive welfare system, and of course the fact that literally no American wants to live there.
"Welcome to Detroit"
| | |
| | |
NEW YORK (WNB) - The Trump Campaign has responded to Hillary Clinton's recent commercial showing Klan members endorsing Donald Trump for president, with a spot of their own featuring one of America's most notorious mass murderers.
Sources say additional upcoming Trump commercials will feature Clinton endorsements from members of the Church of Satan, the North America Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), cock fighting clubs, and a variety of drug dealers, pimps, crack addicts, and street prostitutes.
| | |
| | |
PERSIAN GULF (WNB) - Exclusive video footage shows the USS Squall – a Cyclone-class patrol coastal ship forward deployed to the U.S. Fifth Fleet in Bahrain, firing a warning shot at a quickly approaching Iranian Navy fast attack boat.
| | |
| | |
NEW YORK (WNB) - Hillary Clinton told CNN's Anderson Cooper in a phone interview why she has not done any press conferences for over 264 days.
| | |
| | |
WASHINGTON (WNB) - Only a week after President Obama's daughter Malia was photographed doing drugs at a Hamptons party, a new photo has emerged allegedly showing the troubled youth turning tricks to support what sources claim is a crack cocaine habit. If true, it would indicate that Ms. Obama is following in her father's footsteps - stories of a young Barack engaging in homosexual sex acts in exchange for crack in Chicago are legendary.
This is not the first time the oldest Obama daughter has been photographed in compromising situations. Over the last several years photos have been published of Malia Obama drinking, drunkenly "twerking," and partying hard during spring break parties in Mexico and elsewhere. "Malia's definitely a chip off the old block," said one family friend. "She's shown she has what it takes to be a Democrat politician, just like her dad."
Pothead to crack whore - Malia Obama follows in father's footsteps
| | |
| | |
HOLLYWOOD (WNB) - Hillary Clinton appeared to suffer a social faux pas Monday night as she struggled to open a jar of pickles on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show. Kimmel produced the jar in an obvious effort to dispel the growing chorus of questions concerning Mrs. Clinton's health, but her loss of control while attempting to unscrew a lid that had reportedly been pre-loosened raised more questions than it answered.
Hillary Clinton loses control while attempting to open jar
| | |
| | |
LOS ANGELES (WNB) - Dr. Drew Pinsky, a nationally syndicated talk show host and internal medical physician believes Hillary Clinton is not only still struggling from the results of an earlier concussion and resulting brain clot, but also a number of other ailments. Based on the elderly candidate's physical symptoms and recent behavior, Pinsky said she "very likely" is also suffering from the following:
"She (Hillary) has the muscle tone of a jellyfish, the mental clarity of an autistic spray paint huffer, and the stamina of a UAW worker - health-wise, she's clearly as bad as she looks."
| | |
| | |
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (WNB) - While President Obama continues to receive sharp criticism for his refusal to take time off from his vacation to visit flood-ravaged Louisiana, Donald Trump not only visited the region but personally provided much-needed supplies (below).
"Hey, look. These people are hurting and the least I can do is help, okay? Unlike our worthless president, I consider this to be more important than playing golf and watching my wife stuff herself with lobsters and baked Alaska."
| | |
| | |
NEW YORK (WNB) - Apparently in response to a growing chorus of questions surrounding her health, Hillary Clinton sat down for an interview where she denied she had suffered a serious brain injury.
| | |
| | |
WORLD NEWS BUREAU - Anthony Weiner is denying reports that he emailed a photo of his penis to an individual who recently "catfished" the former Congressman by claiming to be a young woman.
Comparing the photo in question (below) to an existing photo of Weiner's penis has so far proven to be inconclusive, due to the possibility that the penis in the new photo may be wearing a disguise.
Anthony Weiner is the husband of Hillary Clinton longtime aide and rumored girlfriend, Huma Abedin.
CAUTION: BELOW PHOTO CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT. NOT SAFE FOR CHILDREN, SENSITIVE ADULTS, OR FRANKLY ANYONE.
Sexted photo: Weiner's wiener?
| | |
| | |
WORLD NEWS BUREAU - Vice President Joe Biden apparently couldn't keep his hands off of Hillary Clinton Monday when the two met on an airport tarmac. The awkward invasion of Clinton's personal space (below) enhances Biden's well-earned reputation for pressing himself against females of all ages against their will, something Hillary's own husband turned into a career.
| | |
| | |
WORLD NEWS BUREAU - "News at the speed of typing." Today's top stories:
Black Lives Matter To Shut Down Elvis Week
Black Lives Matter protesters in Tennessee announced they plan to "shut down" Graceland during the popular annual event, "Elvis Week."
In a possibly related story, Rednecks United announced they plan to shut down every Church's Fried Chicken location in Memphis during Elvis Week.
________________________________________________
Turkey Legalizes Sex With Children
A Turkish Constitutional court has effectively lowered the age of sexual consent in Turkey to 12. The former age of consent was 15 in the Islamic country but politicians argued that "the mental capacity of a 12-year-old boy is not hugely different from that of a 15-year-old and they're a lot less hairy."
International outrage was immediate, with the United State's Clinton Foundation calling the prospect of pre-teen girls engaging in sexual relations "improper," and immediately dispatching the foundation head to Turkey for an in-depth firsthand investigation.
________________________________________________
Milwaukee Suffers Racial Unrest
Milwaukee, Wisconsin saw a second night of racial unrest as inner city citizens took to the streets to protest the fatal police shooting of armed career felon, Sylville K. "Coldass CopKilla" Smith.
"He was a good boy who didn't do nothing. Cops killed his ass just because he black and got a gun," said one family member.
Smith's sister Laqueefa called on rioters to stop looting and burning inner city businesses, exhorting them to "loot and burn that sh*t down in the suburbs." Tuesday morning, many outlying business owners were seen camouflaging their locations as employment agencies (below).
| | |
| | |
WORLD NEWS BUREAU - The CW television network announced at a Television Critics Association panel that its next cartoon project will feature a gay character based on the DC Comics superhero "The Ray."
"With the big push in our schools to teach kids that being gay is a lot more fun than being straight, this character just makes sense."
Inside sources say "The Gay Ray" will derive his superpowers from a specially fortified anal lube found on his home planet, Uranus.
| | |
| | |
Sunrise, Florida (WNB) - Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told a campaign audience Wednesday that his sources say Hillary is actually possessed by demons, not sick.
"You know, everyone knows Hillary is screwed up - coughing, fainting, jerking around like a spaz. Very qualified people have told me she isn't sick, she's suffering from demonic possession, and I believe it. Hillary is obviously possessed by a demon of stupidity, and is there a demon of lying? I'm pretty sure there is because Hillary is clearly possessed by one of those, too. She's a mess."
Hillary Clinton - possessed?
| | |
| | |
WASHINGTON (WNB) - The State Department has just turned over 44 previously-unreleased Hillary Clinton email exchanges that the Democratic presidential nominee failed to include among the 30,000 private messages she turned over to the government last year. The communications were reportedly obtained from the computer of longtime Clinton aide Huma Abedin and are potentially the most embarrassing yet for Clinton.
Sources say the collection of selfies and late night exchanges may confirm rumors that have swirled around the two for years. "I was literally sick to my stomach. Nobody should read these. Nobody," said one person who claimed to have seen the released emails.
| | |
| | |
WORLD NEWS BUREAU - During a campaign speech, Hillary Clinton suddenly went catatonic for reasons unknown (below). This is the latest incident in a series of physical and mental anomalies manifested by the elderly candidate in recent months.
Hillary Clinton suffers "brain fart" during campaign address
| | |
| | |
CHICAGO (WNB) - The Communist Party USA has enthusiastically endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. The group released a press statement Monday morning praising Clinton's leftist characteristics.
"With Bernie Sanders out of the race, America's best hope for elevating its citizens to an equal level of poverty rests with Hillary Clinton. Her godless immorality, ruthless zeal for power, and Chairman Mao attire truly distinguish Mrs. Clinton as a Kim Jong Un for Amerika and a most worthy successor to Comrade Obama."
Communists darling, Comrade Cankles
| | |
| | |
DETROIT (WNB) - The organization "Black Lives Matter" claims Bill and Hillary Clinton used black people for votes, photo ops, and other things.
Speaking in a recent magazine interview, one prominent BLM leader accused Hillary Clinton of pandering to blacks for votes and photo opportunities while doing everything to avoid them in her everyday life. "Hillary is all, 'what up?' and 'hey!' when she's looking for votes but the rest of the time the only black person she wants to see is the cocktail waitress. On the other hand, Bill's always liked the black girls, if you know what I mean. It's the lips."
Hillary courts black voters (above), Bill visits Tanzania on behalf of Clinton Foundation
| | |
| | |
Click retard!
