World News Bureau

Trump Card: Kim Finished?

 

North Korea Threatens Trump

  

Trump Sends Warren On Warpath

WASHINGTON (World News Bureau) - Elizabeth Warren (RTRD-MA) lashed out at President Donald Trump for referring to her as 'Pocahontas' at a White House event honoring Native American code talkers.

Warren said on MSNBC Monday night, "The President dishonors not only me but my forefathers who tamed the buffalo and a ran with the wolf. May his days be as the grain that withers under the unrelenting summer sun." 

 

 

LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP Prompts Name Change

ONTARIO, Canada (World News Bureau) - The current politically correct classification of non-heterosexual individuals - LGGBDTTTIQQAAPP (Lesbian, Gay, Genderqueer, Bisexual, Demisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Twospirit, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, Allies, Pansexual, Polyamorous) - has prompted researchers to come up with an abbreviated name.

"Even we couldn't remember LGBBDWXYZWhatever," said Yale University's Simon Banten. From now on members of this group will simply be referred to as 'SFU' (Sexually F**ked Up).

 

 SFU Youth

 

Planned Parenthood: Dealing With 'Difficult People'

WASHINGTON (World News Bureau) - Abortion giant Planned Parenthood has posted a guideline on dealing with 'difficult' family members and friends over the holidays:

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Thanksgiving 2017

From my family to yours - Happy Thanksgiving! 

A traditional Van Neuter Thanksgiving 

 

Preschool Book Promotes Transgenderism

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (World News Bureau) - A book promoting transsexuality to toddlers and preschoolers has been published in Sweden. The book, 'Galen Hästen & Husse' (Crazy Hästen & Husse) features an obviously mentally ill man who dresses and behaves as a woman and his pet horse who thinks he is a female dog.

Author and university lecturer Susanne Pelger says that she hopes the book will "prompt toddlers and preschoolers to pursue lives of godless sexual confusion, deviancy, substance abuse, ultimately leading to suicide their choosing."

 

 

Kaepernick GQ's Dumbshit Of The Year

 

 

Pelosi Visits Wackyland

 

 

News News News! 11-9-17

WORLD NEWS BUREAU - 'News at the speed of typing'

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Self Driving Bus Crashes Two Hours After Launch

A driverless shuttle bus crashed less than two hours after it was launched in Las Vegas on Wednesday.

The 12 passenger shuttle collided with an 18-wheeler shortly after city officials unveiled what is described as the US' first self-driving shuttle pilot project geared towards the public. 

Engineers investigating the accident are concentrating on the vehicle's programming - reportedly done by an Asian woman in her sixties.

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Entire Palm Springs City Council Sexually Confused

With the election of Lisa Middleton (below), the first man who somehow believes he's a woman openly trans candidate elected to a nonjudicial office in California, the Palm Springs City Council is now entirely mentally ill LGBT or queer.

Middleton was endorsed by Chicks With Dicks United, a pro-trans organization promoting sexually confused candidates nationwide.

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TSA Fails 80% Of Security Tests

In recent undercover tests of multiple airport security checkpoints by the Department of Homeland Security, inspectors said screeners, their equipment or their procedures failed more than 80% of the time, according to inside sources.

A TSA spokesperson defended the agency, citing the fact that not a single baby, middle-aged woman, or senior citizen has successfully mounted a terror attack on a United States airliner. "Obviously, we're doing something right," he said.

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Palm Springs counciltrannie, Lisa Middleton (UPI)

 

China: After Michelle, Melania A Goddess

Chow Mein, China (World News Bureau) - President and First Lady Trump arrived in China Wednesday to a royal welcome replete with marching bands and hundreds of fawning children yelling "We ruv rou!" 

Chinese newspapers gushed over Melania's beauty and style, comparing her favorably to her predecessor:  "Compared to the last U.S. president's wife, Mrs. Trump is a dignified and beautiful goddess who will not lecture us to 'drink more water' or 'move.'"

 

 

Trump: Church Shooting Shows We Can No Longer Do Nothing

 

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News News News! 11-3-17

WORLD NEWS BUREAU - 'News at the speed of typing'

 

'Sex Island' Vacation Offers Orgies, Drugs

A holiday sex getaway featuring over 60 beautiful women will be held November 24-27 on an unspecified island off the coast of Columbia.

The itinerary for the trip states that guests will 'have the chance to enjoy' the company of 16 women at once and party on a yacht described as 'drug friendly.'

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Japanese Crazy About Ivanka

The Japanese have been taken by Ivanka Trump during her visit. Throngs of well-wishers have cheered the first daughter while the local media has gushed over her style and grace.

"This intelligent young woman is a vision of beauty and style - her eyes welcoming, her smile comforting, her magnificent breasts a place of shade and solitude. This visit marks a welcome change from the last U.S. administration's," said Wednesday's Japan Times - an obvious reference to the tragic Tokyo panic stampede that killed 18 people during First Lady Michelle Obama's ill-fated 2015 visit.

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 STD That Blinds On Rise

The Centers for Disease Control reports a sharp increase in an STD that causes blindness. The Center is warning doctors to be on the lookout for patients displaying disease symptoms of rashes, redness, and impaired vision.

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Clinton Foundation Looking To Buy Island

The Clinton Foundation is reportedly looking to buy a private island to use as a refuge for disadvantaged children from around the world. 

In an interview on Wednesday (below), Bill Clinton announced he is personally visiting Columbia for a few days later this month to scout possible locations by boat.

 

Former President Clinton discusses buying island for children's refuge

 

November 4th

 

 

News Executive Latest Target Of Sex Accusations

SCOTTSDALE, Arizona (World News Bureau) - Onetime Trump adviser and celebrity owner of several popular online news and entertainment sites, including this one, has been accused by a former employee of creating a sexually abusive work environment.

Miss Shaquandra Jackson alleges Scooter Van Neuter 'victimized her from day one,' including often summoning her to his office where she would 'receive orders from a penis dressed in a tiny suit and wig' at Van Neuter's desk as he stood behind a black curtain.

In addition, Jackson claims she was coerced into giving Van Neuter a handless hot oil massage as a 'teamwork building exercise,' was forced to work topless in order to 'go green' without air conditioning, and was often subjected to a pantsless Van Neuter rubbing against her while supposedly looking over her shoulder to review her work.

"It was the worst two days of my life - I'm surprised I didn't get pregnant," a tearful Jackson told reporters at a press conference Wednesday morning announcing her pending $45 million lawsuit.

A two-part account of Jackson's employment appeared on a Van Neuter website in 2015.

Speaking by phone from a recovery facility in French Polynesia, former altar boy Van Neuter called the allegations "a desperate attempt by liberals to bring down anyone associated with President Trump," and vowed to vigorously fight the allegations. "God knows my heart. I'm going to destroy this lying b*tch."

 

President Trump and former advisor and onetime altar boy Scooter Van Neuter