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Celebrity Massacres National Anthem
Black Eyed Peas singer, Fergie, apologized for the rendition of the National Anthem she sang Sunday night at the NBA All-Star Game, saying she was just trying something different.
"I was shooting for a Marvin Gaye kinda thing if he were a drunk, talentless, middle-aged white woman receiving an intermittent electric shock from a malfunctioning anal sex toy," said the singer. "I thought I nailed it, but apparently not. I'm sorry."
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Iran: We Will Level Tel Aviv
The former chief of Iran's Revolutionary Guards warned Israel that if attacked, Iran would "level Tel Aviv."
"About Netanyahu’s unwise words, I should say that if they carry out an attack against Iran, we will level Tel Aviv to the ground," said Major General Muhammad S'Azkrak. Of course, that's assuming all are stuff's not melted."
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San Francisco Finalist For "America's Best Liberal Shithole"
An NBC investigation of 153 blocks of downtown San Francisco has revealed a fetid wasteland of human urine, feces, discarded needles, and indescribable filth, moving that city to the forefront for the honor of "America's Best Liberal Shithole" among 12 major cities. Recent holders of the title include Detroit, St. Louis, Baltimore, and Chicago.
"When you add the unbridled, godless sexual perversion and plethora of accompanying diseases, San Francisco easily wins the title," concluded the report.
