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Philly 'Noticeably Improved' After Super Bowl Celebrations

PHILADELPHIA, Penn. (World News Bureau) - In the wake of the Philadephia Eagles winning the Super Bowl last night, mobs of drunken fans rampaged through Philly's downtown in an orgy of looting and destruction - setting fire to anything that would burn - including several transients.

The sight that greeted residents this morning was one of widespread devastation and surprise. "I hate to say it but in my opinion, this shithole is noticeably improved - too bad we couldn't win the Super Bowl every week," said Philadelphia Mayor James Kenney.

Authorities credit the Super Bowl celebrations for last night's crime statistics: 12 homicides, over 90 injured in countless assaults and robberies and dozens of rapes - well below normal. 

 

Eagles Fans Riot

 

Monday, February 05, 2018 |

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