SEATTLE, Washington (World News Bureau) - Starbucks has released a 90-second commercial featuring a sexually confused mentally ill transgender teen girl named "Jemma." In the spot, Jemma appears to obtain self-confirmation she's actually a boy with a vagina after telling a woke Starbucks employee her name is "James," and receives her order with that name scribbled on the side.
A Starbucks spokesperson says entertaining customers' fantasies is now corporate policy. "We will write any name you want on your cup unless, of course, you're a cop - then we choose."